While your sample revision meets our request, we do not feel the personality revisions cover our concerns about the definite traits of Asa's personality. We require a more solid sense of personality, especially for original characters, and while your expansions on some of Asa's deeper motivations are good, they still fail to give his character the cohesive substance we look for in accepting original applications. We also feel that there was a lack of attention to grammar and the basic elements of style that contributed to this problem. Unfortunately, as we cannot offer you revisions twice in one app round, we must decline your application.